I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
