Where is the hickey?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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