1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
