You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm too high and old for this...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
