i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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