he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
