Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
