Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
