dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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