tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
