i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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