Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
