New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
