i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
