When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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