Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
