Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My liver just broke up with me...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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