I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
