I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
