you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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