Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
