i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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