so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize