If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
