Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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