the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
