If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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