mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
