I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
