Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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