yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
