she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
