Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
