in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
