My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
