At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize