We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
