Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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