Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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