I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
