threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
