I love black thongs
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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