i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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