Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
