Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
