Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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