I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
