Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
