i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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