This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
