i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
