don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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