you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
