I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
