When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize