i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
