I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
