somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
