i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
