His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize