Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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