To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
