And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
