i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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