So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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