What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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