Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize