I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
