He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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