I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
