You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
high people should be assigned attendants
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
