my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
