oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
