the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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