"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
