Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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