I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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