I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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