I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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