you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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