How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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